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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27373159">Let You Love Me</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/DramaticSheep/pseuds/DramaticSheep'>DramaticSheep</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Madam Secretary</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Depression, Hurt/Comfort, Mental Health Issues, Suicide Attempt</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 17:34:07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>17,445</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27373159</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/DramaticSheep/pseuds/DramaticSheep</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Elizabeth McCord/Henry McCord</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter One: Noise</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>A/N – A few people mentioned how they would have liked to read the whole story surrounding the Henry/Elizabeth origins from my other story, Speeding Cars. Well there never was a whole story, so I decided I'd try and write one for you. Please note chapter 2 and 3 will be a direct copy of C2 &amp; C3 of Speeding Cars - then the origin story will continue. Hope you don't mind!</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>This story will deal with a lot of dark topics; mainly depression, self harm, suicide, grief and loss. I appreciate that these are difficult topics and if they in any way trigger you, please do not read. I want everyone to feel safe, so please if you're not able to read, please don't, your safety and mental health wellbeing is the most important thing here.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>I tried to write this chapter in the present tense - all of the following chapters after this one will stick to the normal tense - I just thought present tense here would help with the realism. At the end of the chapter I'll be posting in song recommendations that I feel fit the chapter / I wrote the chapter while listening to these songs.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong><span class="u">IMPORTANT</span> - This story is currently still in progress, I am not currently updating as I am busy with my postgrad degree at the moment. There are 11 chapters so far which i will upload. </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Reviews are always appreciated :)</strong>
</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>Chapter One - Noise</strong>
</p><p>"<em>I can't hear the song birds singing or the church bells ringing, without your sweet voice, all the world is noise."</em></p><hr/><p>She didn't cry on the day her parents died. Some people found it concerning, others thought she was heartless; their opinions didn't matter anymore. Everything in her life had changed in an instant – it was an impossible reality to swallow. She owed it to herself and her little brother to hold herself together, it was them against the world now.</p><p>Grief is always there, it lies in wait until we think we're just beginning to feel semi-human and then it strikes, like a panther leaping upon its prey. It washes over us like ocean waves as we choke and splutter on the bitter taste of salt water. For as long as we allow it to, grief defines us, becomes us; we hide away in the deep dark cells of our minds, trying endlessly to hold onto tiny shreds of sanity, begging our grief not to swallow us whole.</p><p>A knock at the door derails her train of thought as she inwardly sighs and closes her text book. Slowly she gets up from the comfort of her bed – she'd been here for what seemed like hours now; when they'd left it had been a beautifully sunny Sunday afternoon. Every time she tore her eyes away from the vocabulary she'd been pouring over, the sky had been a different colour. Ever so slowly the brilliant blue faded to serene yellow and orange, twilight looming in the air. Eventually as each day does, the twilight succumbs to nightfall and shades of indigo bleed into the atmosphere.</p><p>As she opens the front door she's greeted by flashes of blue and red, her eyes squint in reaction to the bright lights and she brings her hand up in front of her face in an attempt to block it out.</p><p>"Elizabeth Adams?" A voice asks</p><p>She lowers her hand, her eyes meeting the concerned faces of the two police officers stood on her doorstep. Knowing that this can't be anything good, she replies.</p><p>"Yeah?" It was a response, but it was also a question.</p><p>"My name is Officer Jennings." The police officer on her left announced, then pointed to his partner. "This is Officer Kennedy. May we come in?" He reached into his pocket and pulled out his police badge, holding it out so that she could see it clearly.</p><p>She leans slightly forward, staring at the badge. It sits inside a black leather wallet; frayed at the edges after what must have been many years of use. The badge and the ID sit opposite each other, she looks at the photograph on his ID badge, then back at the man standing before her. Slowly she nods, stepping back from the door frame and allowing the two men to enter.</p><p>They follow her as she leads them into the living room, sitting side by side on the sofa, Elizabeth sits opposite them on a desk chair which she has moved into place, she stares at them expectantly.</p><p>"I'm afraid we have some bad news." Office Jennings begins, but the rest is lost.</p><p>She should be holding herself together right now, she struggles endlessly to pay attention to the words being spoken to her but she can't make them out over the screaming inside her mind. The world doesn't make sense anymore – how could it? She was an orphan. She clears her throat, trying to find the words.</p><p>"Will." Is the only word she manages to get out, staring at the two police officers, their faces plastered with sympathy as they stare at the broken fifteen year old girl before them.</p><p>"He's alright." Jennings replied. "He's at the hospital, he was very lucky, he's mostly shaken up. We can take you to him." He offered.</p><p>Elizabeth slowly nods, she retreats back into her own mind as they lead her out of the house and into the backseat of the police car, physically she is there but mentally she is drowning.</p><p><em>Hold it together, Elizabeth</em> she tells herself, as the police car pulls away from the place she once called home.</p><p>Close the door; three simple words, the last three words she would ever speak to her mother. A wall of guilt crumbled and fell, crushing her with deep remorse; she struggled to breathe as she tried to hold her composure in the back of the car. Close the door. She closes her eyes and mentally tells herself that she will never be allowed to forgive herself for what she said to her mother today.</p><p>Days and weeks pass, minutes turn into hours but she still feels as empty as the day they left. The world around her seems to return to normal for everybody <em>except</em> her. In the weeks following their death, she's inundated with sympathy cards and letters, her friends tell her they are there for her if she ever needs to talk. As time passes, the offers slowly disappear and she's left just as messed up as she always was, but this time with no support network.</p><p>Before she knows it, everything she'd known in life is gone. Her home and her horses at the farm are sold, and she's shipped off to boarding school by her aunt and uncle who had never really cared for her and Will, they just wanted them out of the picture.</p><p>As devastating as it had been, to have your life ripped up from under your feet – being away at boarding school is oddly uplifting; here nobody knows her past, if she wanted she could choose to recreate herself – but she doesn't. She keeps mainly to herself and that's the way she likes it, she studies hard and still cries herself to sleep every night, wishing and praying for one last moment with her parents.</p><p>Sometimes she meets them in her dreams, they always look so happy; it makes her smile. They spend hours talking and laughing, sometimes even riding the horses and she revels in every moment, never wanting to wake up. When she does wake up from these kinds of dreams she's momentarily happy – until the realisation that they're gone and they're not coming back hits her and the sorrow hits all over again.</p><p>She starts to believe she'd rather go to sleep forever.</p><p>She starts to crave the end.</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>A/N - Based on 'Noise' by Jesse Terry</strong>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter Two: Sing Me To Sleep</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>A/N: Warning: Contains stuff such as: depression, suicidal thoughts and attempted suicide. If you find any of these things triggering, please do not read. This chapter and the next are from my short multi-chapter fic called Speeding Cars.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Reviews are always appreciated :)</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Chapter Two - Sing Me to Sleep</strong>
</p><p>"<em>Don't try to wake me in the morning 'cause I will be gone. Don't feel bad for me; I want you to know deep in the cell of my heart I will feel so glad to go"</em></p><hr/><p>** Three Years Later **</p><p>
  <span>December 24th 1986 - University of Virginia</span>
</p><p>The semester had ended six days ago, campus had gone from a loud, excitement filled hot spot to a silent empty nest, and the silence was deafening. Elizabeth Adams sat alone on her twin bed in her dorm room, her room mate had gone home for the holidays, naturally. For six lonely days now, she'd had the place to herself and had gotten into a mundane routine of eat, sleep, study and repeat – she'd always been a bit of a loner, but lately it was starting to get to her.</p><p>Since her parents' sudden deaths three years prior, Elizabeth had retreated into herself, she had become a shadow of the girl she used to be. She knew it was wrong, and on some level she knew she needed help, but she wasn't ready to admit it to herself just yet. In the space of a few hours she had gone from having a loving family to being an orphan, from having a home to having nothing. She was sure she should have felt more upset and angry about that than she currently was, but the truth was, she felt nothing, she'd felt nothing for many years now.</p><p>It had angered her a little when she discovered that her aunt and uncle were going away for the holidays and that her brother was also unavailable. They'd offered to let her go and stay at the house but she'd politely declined, what was the point? Why drive for hours when she could be alone just fine right here in her dorm room?</p><p>On the final day of the semester she'd walked to the local supermarket and stocked up on essentials, knowing that the stores would be closing for the holidays and she didn't want to end up with no food.</p><p>She sighed and threw her textbook to the side on her desk, none of this info was going in, it was no good. She had exams coming up in January and she was pretty sure she was going to fail if she didn't start retaining the damn information soon. College had been more difficult than she'd ever anticipated it could be, she had always been bright and good at school, but this level of study was more intense than anything she'd ever experienced before, she struggled to keep up and it was only her vast amounts of studying that was keeping her head above water and her grades up.</p><p>She picked up her dinner bowl and water glass from her desk and walked over to the little kitchenette to wash it, not paying attention she stumbled over a pair of her roommates slippers which had been left out, throwing her hands out to save herself from falling, she dropped the bowl and glass they shattered into pieces on the bedroom floor, the sound was deafening amongst the silence.</p><p>Elizabeth scowled as she observed the broken crockery and saw the sauce from her noodles starting to soak into the carpet.</p><p>"For fuck's sake." She muttered, bending down to start picking up the pieces, she picked up the slippers she'd tripped over and threw them onto her roommates bed. She knelt down beside the damage and started scooping up pieces of broken glass one by one.</p><p>"Ow!" She shouted as she picked one piece up a little too roughly, and it sank into the tender flesh of her palm. She stared in disbelief at the jagged piece of glass sticking out of her hand and laughed, so she <em>could</em> feel after all.</p><p>Cradling her injured hand she walked over to the sink and turned the faucet onto cold, she slowly pulled the shard of glass out of her palm and threw it into the bin, then began to rinse her hand, she watched as the blood was swirling away down the drain, flowing in circles with the water. The cut was significantly deep, possibly in need of stitches but she didn't care.</p><p>What was the point any more? Nobody cared about her, she was all alone, the fact that her remaining family had all made plans for the holidays without telling her was a testament to that. Even if she bled out right here, in her college dorm room, nobody would even notice. She shook her head trying to push these thoughts out of her mind and opened the cupboard, searching for a bandage or a band-aid or anything to put on the cut, but there was nothing.</p><p>"Nothing. Typical." She muttered, she was about to close the cupboard when she noticed a half full bottle of vodka sitting on the top shelf, it was her roommates, she knew it but what the hell? She grabbed it with her uninjured hand and went to sit on her bed. She took off the bottle lid with her teeth and spat it out, bringing the bottle to her lips she took one big gulp.</p><p>The stuff tasted disgusting as she knew it would, she'd never been a big fan of vodka, in her opinion it tasted like paint thinner, but she forced herself to swallow the burning liquid, it tickled her throat on the way down. She took another few gulps and reeled in the familiar sensation of tipsiness, her cheeks felt warm and her head slowly began to spin.</p><p>Her mind recalled the last time she'd felt <em>this </em>alone. She was fifteen years old and had just lost both her parents in a serious car accident, her little brother had survived and physically he was okay, but mentally he was broken. Elizabeth had felt broken too. She'd spent the best part of two weeks crying alone in her bedroom, she wasn't ready to live in a world where she didn't have a family anymore, she couldn't make any sense of what had happened, it was too much to bear. She remembered so clearly how she'd walked into her parents' now empty bedroom and taken one of her father's belts out of his chest of drawers and returned to her bedroom, shutting the door behind her. She'd swung the belt over the light fixture in her ceiling and secured it tightly around her neck, standing on her desk chair she'd <em>almost</em> been ready to step off the chair when her bedroom door had flown open and her little brother had walked in.</p><p>"Lizzie, what the hell are you doing?" He'd asked, dumbfounded at the sight of his sister about to take her own life. He had helped her down from the light fixture and she fell to pieces, holding him in her arms.</p><p>"I can't do this without you." Will told her, he had started to cry too.</p><p>His words echoed in her mind as she came back to the present. She started to wonder how different things would have been if she'd remembered to lock her bedroom door, if she'd been able to go through with it and take her own life. She wondered what death was like, was there some great, peaceful afterlife as so many people liked to believe? Or was there nothing? Just blackness?</p><p>She looked at her watch, surprised to see that it was past midnight, officially Christmas.</p><p>"Merry Christmas, me." She told herself quietly, as she took another gulp of vodka. In a fit of blind ambition she got to her feet and walked out of her dorm room carrying her vodka bottle in her uninjured hand, she walked into the stairwell and began to climb. She lived on the second floor, but there were a total of seven floors in this particular student accommodation building. She climbed until she reached the highest floor and paused before the door that read 'Roof Access'. Taking another drink of alcohol, she turned the handle and pushed the door open, shivering as the howling ice cold wind engulfed her, she stepped out into the cold winter's night.</p><p>Like every other place on campus, it was silent and abandoned up here, no matter where she went, she wasn't going to get any human interaction. She sighed and looked out over the campus, it had started to snow rather heavily, but she was still able to make out the walkway between her accommodation and central campus. The Christmas lights which were wrapped around each lamp post sparkled beautifully in all different colours, it really was beautiful. A Christmas tree twinkled brightly in the distance in the central campus square.</p><p>She shivered as the snow began to settle on her shoulders and started to melt, soaking her t-shirt; she wished she'd brought a jacket. Even with the effects of the alcohol she was still cold. She took another large gulp and stumbled forward, walking towards the ledge. She stood there looking down at the ground from seven floors up. It was a long way down and she was sure there was no way she would survive it if she fell.</p><p>She stood at the ledge for what felt like hours, looking down at the ground and taking gulps of vodka every now and then, drinking herself into a stupor.</p><p><em>It would be so easy</em> she thought to herself. All of this pain, all of this nothingness that had engulfed her for the past three years could all be gone in a mere few seconds, all she had to do was be brave enough to take the first step. One little step and it'd all be over. One little step and she would be reunited with her parents, she would be at peace, hell, maybe she'd even be happy. What did happy even feel like? She couldn't remember.</p><p>Amongst her blur of thoughts, she spun around as she heard someone walking up behind her.</p><p>"What the hell are you doing?" The voice shouted.</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>A/N - Based on 'Asleep' by The Smiths</strong>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter Three: Fix You</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>A/N: So this chapter takes place before what happened in the last chapter (by about twenty minutes) Reviews as always are greatly appreciated. Thanks so much!</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Chapter Three - Fix You</strong>
</p><p>"<em>Lights will guide you home and ignite your bones and I will try to fix you."</em></p><hr/><p>
  <span>December 25th 1986 – University of Virginia Central Campus</span>
</p><p>Henry McCord was shivering. He knew it was way too late to be walking around campus but he didn't care. He thrust his hands deeply into his pockets and continued to walk; he needed time to clear his head; as he walked his breaths materialised in front of him. He'd arrived back on campus only twenty minutes ago, fresh from a huge argument with his father. He felt like he and his father never saw eye to eye on anything, and it was probably true. He sighed as he thought about his mom, who was probably beside herself with worry right now. Henry had left immediately after the argument and began driving back to campus, intent on getting away from that toxic environment.</p><p>It had taken him over five hours but he had finally arrived back at the UVA campus, parked up and began to walk. He had no destination in particular, he just wanted to walk. He'd ended up in central campus and stood in front of the giant Christmas tree that sat in the center of the square. He checked his watch and saw that it was finally past midnight, it was Christmas day.</p><p>"Merry Christmas, me." He muttered. This had definitely been up there with his worst Christmas ever so far in his life. He looked around the abandoned square and revelled in the quietness. This place was normally packed with hyper students sitting down to eat lunch or walking between classes. Right now it was eerily calm, Henry thought he preferred it this way.</p><p>He let out another deep shiver as the first snowflakes began to fall, dusting the sleeves of his jacket, he made to wipe them off – but it was no use, the snow began to fall even heavier and soon he'd be soaked. He took one last look at the Christmas tree, admiring the lights and the ornaments until his eyes fixed upon the bright yellow star perched on the top.</p><p>He started to feel a little remorse for walking out on his family the way he had and decided that, after getting some sleep he would call his mother to let her know he was okay. For now he decided to head back to his dorm where thankfully, he would be alone because he knew his room mate had gone home for the holidays.</p><p>He tore his gaze away from the tree and turned, starting to walk back in the direction of his dorm. He looked up at the surrounding buildings and sky, taking it all in, it really was a beautiful night, and the snow would really have made it the perfect Christmas if he wasn't here all by himself. He continued to walk, picking up the pace a little to try and keep himself warm, he really needed to invest in a better jacket, or a pair of gloves at the very least.</p><p>He walked towards one of the dorm buildings closest to campus, he'd applied to board in this building but unfortunately hadn't managed to secure a place, it wasn't all that bad being further out from campus, he enjoyed the walk and it kept him fit and healthy, but he did sometimes wish for the longer lie ins he would have been able to take if he'd been given a room in this building. He looked up at the seven storey building and gasped as he saw a figure on the rooftop.</p><p>He strained his eyes to see them more clearly through the sheets of snow which were now falling to the ground. It was a girl, he could tell that much, she had a bottle in her hand.</p><p>Drinking, on a rooftop? Smart Henry thought to himself. He made his way over to the dorm building and pulled open the reception door, making his way inside. He stamped his feet on the doormat to shake off any excess snow and headed in the direction of the stairwell. He was in pretty good health but even he admitted to being a little out of breath by the time he reached the seventh floor. He approached the door reading 'Roof Access' and pushed it open and stepped out onto the roof. It was colder up here and windier, he stared at the girl who was now dangerously close to the ledge.</p><p>He thought she must be freezing, she was up here in pyjamas, no coat and covered in snow, her long blonde hair lay flat against her back, soaked by the melting snowflakes. Trying to be as quiet as possible he began to approach her, noticing the bottle in her hand was nearly empty. The snow crunched beneath his shoes as he took a step forward and thanks to the bitter silence surrounding them both, she heard him and instantly turned around.</p><p>"What the hell are you doing?" Henry exclaimed, exasperated.</p><p>The girls eyes flashed with shock, as though she'd never seen another human being before. She looked genuinely surprised that another person was on campus besides her. He was amazed when he realised he'd seen her before. Almost every day since the start of semester he'd seen this girl studying in the library, though he'd never actually introduced himself, he'd always thought that one day he'd like to get to know her. Henry made to approach her again and she threw her hands up in front of her.</p><p>"Don't come any closer." She cried, she was ever so slightly swaying from side to side, clearly intoxicated.</p><p>Henry raised both his hands and took a step back.</p><p>"Okay, okay. Not coming any closer." He said.</p><p>"What are you doing here?" Elizabeth asked.</p><p>"I could ask you the same thing." Henry commented</p><p>"You don't even know me." Elizabeth muttered.</p><p>"No, but I'd like to." Henry replied.</p><p>Elizabeth ignored him and shivered deeply, the world was beginning to spin, it felt like a ride, she kind of liked it.</p><p>"You're shivering." Henry said. "Won't you come back inside?" He asked.</p><p>"What's the point?" Elizabeth asked, there was such a melancholic tone in her voice and it made Henry's heart ache for the poor girl, she really must feel alone.</p><p>"There's always a reason to live." Henry offered.</p><p>Elizabeth laughed coldly.</p><p>"I have no more reasons to live." She admitted.</p><p>"I'm sure that's not true." Henry responded. "You got a family?"</p><p>"Not really." Elizabeth shook her head.</p><p>"Is that why you're here alone, over the holidays?" He asked. Elizabeth nodded in response.</p><p>"Well, If you hadn't already noticed, I'm here alone too." He reminded her.</p><p>She seemed a little out of it, Henry really wanted to approach her and pull her back from the ledge, he was worried that if she made one wrong move that she'd fall.</p><p>"Nobody would even care." Elizabeth sighed.</p><p>"If you jumped?" Henry asked. "I saw you eyeing up that ledge from down in the street, I raced up here as fast as I could."</p><p>"Well you shouldn't have." Elizabeth muttered, Henry shook his head fiercely.</p><p>"Can I ask your name?"</p><p>Elizabeth stared at him, unsure. She didn't want to open up to him, she never opened up to anybody anymore, she only ever ended up hurt; but there was something about him that was oddly calming.</p><p>"Elizabeth." She told him.</p><p>"Elizabeth? That's a pretty name. I'm Henry, nice to meet you." He introduced himself, risking another step forward.</p><p>"Hey." Elizabeth warned, her hands flying up instinctively again, Henry stopped in his tracks.</p><p>"Well okay, fine. If you're not going to let me come to you, do you want to come to me instead?" He suggested, Elizabeth paused for a moment and shook her head.</p><p>"Alright, well can we at least ditch the bottle?" Henry asked, motioning at the almost empty bottle in her right hand. Elizabeth didn't take her eyes off him as she unclenched her grip on the bottle, letting it fall to the ground, where it shattered.</p><p>"What do you want?" Elizabeth asked.</p><p>"Well, I'd like to take you back inside and back into the warm." Henry explained.</p><p>"Why are you being so nice to me?" She asked, it was strange and she wasn't used to it.</p><p>"Because I think your life is worth way more than becoming a dead body in the street." He replied.</p><p>"My life is worthless." Elizabeth whispered.</p><p>"I don't believe that for a second." Henry assured her. "Will you please let me come over there?" He asked.</p><p>For a while they stared into each other's eyes, he could see the pain in hers, the way they swam with the ghosts of whatever had pushed her to this point, all he wanted was to make her feel better. After what seemed like years, Elizabeth slowly nodded and Henry walked over to her side at the ledge. He broke his gaze and took a momentary glance over the side of the ledge, staring down to the street below.</p><p>"That's pretty far." He commented.</p><p>"I was just about to jump." She said.</p><p>"Looks like I got here just in time then, thank God."</p><p>"You'll probably change your mind about that." Elizabeth sighed, she made to walk back in the direction of the stairwell, but staggered amongst the ice and snow. Henry lurched forward and grabbed her arm to break her fall.</p><p>"Here, I'll help you." He said, allowing his shoulders to take most of her weight. "What floor do you live on?" He asked.</p><p>"Second."</p><p>He opened the roof access door and led her back inside, then began the very long walk down five flights of stairs. He stopped as they entered the second floor.</p><p>"Which room?" He asked.</p><p>"Nineteen." Elizabeth replied, she was starting to feel a little nauseated.</p><p>He helped her back into her dorm room and sat her down on the bed, he walked over to her chest of drawers and pulled out a clean and dry pair of pyjamas and handed them to her.</p><p>"Here, get changed or you'll get hypothermia." He said, turning around and walking into the kitchenette, filling a glass with water.</p><p>When Elizabeth was changed she threw her wet pyjamas on the floor and sat back on the bed. Henry walked back over to her and helped her get into bed, he handed her the glass of water.</p><p>"Drink this, you'll need it."</p><p>"Thanks." Elizabeth said as she slowly sipped at the water.</p><p>"I don't feel very comfortable leaving you alone tonight. Do you mind if I take that bed over there?" He asked, pointing to her roommate's empty bed.</p><p>"I guess." Elizabeth said quietly.</p><p>He threw his backpack to the floor and walked over to the bed. He shed his coat onto the floor next to the bed and stripped down to his t-shirt and boxer shorts, sighing he climbed into bed. What a strange Christmas this had been so far.</p><p>He glanced over at Elizabeth from his side of the room, she had already fallen asleep; her breathing shallow and drawn out, she was sleeping quite peacefully, all things considered. He reached over and turned off the bedside lamp and the room plunged into darkness, he closed his eyes and he let his exhaustion become him, drifting into sleep.</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>A/N - Based on 'Fix You' by Coldplay</strong>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter Four: Where Is My Mind</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>
  <strong>Chapter Four - Where Is My Mind?</strong>
</p><p>"<em>Where is my mind? Where is my mind? Way out in the water, see it swimming. Where is my mind?"</em></p><hr/><p>A spinning room, swirling thoughts, she allowed herself to be consumed by the sweet callings of sleep. She slept heavily and more soundly than she had in the past three years, there were no dreams, no nightmares - just sleep, sweet restful sleep.</p><p>Slowly she squinted her eyes as she woke the next morning; sunlight flooded through the blinds engulfing her in its warmth. She groaned as her head slowly pounded and she sat up in the bed, checking the clock on her bedside table, it was ten in the morning.</p><p>"Good morning." An unfamiliar voice called from across the room. Elizabeth gasped, pulling the bed covers up to hide herself, she'd forgotten she wasn't alone. "Did you sleep well?" He asked. She observed him, he was lying above the covers, legs crossed with a book lying open across his chest, she didn't reply.</p><p>A look of concern flashed across his face.</p><p>"Do you remember anything that happened last night?" Henry asked.</p><p>"Bits and pieces." Elizabeth muttered, then shuddered, apparently talking only made her head throb even more.</p><p>"You were in a pretty bad way." Henry commented. "I talked you down though and brought you back down to your room."</p><p>Elizabeth closed her eyes as the memories flooded back to her. A broken dinner bowl, stained carpets; alcohol, so much alcohol - well, it explained the raging hangover. She inhaled deeply as she remembered the climb up to the roof, the chill in the air as it struck her bare arms, her longing to step off the ledge and set herself free, she heaved a hollow sigh.</p><p>"You should have just left me alone." Elizabeth whispered.</p><p>"Nobody should be alone at Christmas." Henry responded.</p><p>"You're alone." Elizabeth commented.</p><p>"Not from where I'm sitting." Henry replied cheekily, a small smile appearing on his face.</p><p>Elizabeth scowled at him.</p><p>"Don't even think about it." She warned. The smile disappeared instantly from his face.</p><p>"God, no. I wasn't - I just meant -" He spluttered, embarrassed. Elizabeth held up her right hand to silence him.</p><p>"Please, all this talking is hurting my head even more. I'm going to go and freshen up." She said, getting up from underneath the covers. She made her way over to the bedroom door.</p><p>"Do you mind if I use your phone?" Henry asked. "I need to check in with my parents and let them know I'm okay." He explained. Elizabeth paused with her hand on the doorknob and closed her eyes. He had a family and yet he'd chosen not to be with them on Christmas day, the thought of it angered her slightly.</p><p>"Sure." Elizabeth sighed, opening the door and walking out. She made her way to the communal bathroom across the hall from her dorm room and gingerly pushed open the door, she stumbled over to the sinks and turned on the water. Slowly she brought a handful of cold water to her face and exhaled as the cold water touched her skin. It felt cool and refreshing as it slowly started to wake her up, making her feel more human in the process. She scooped up another few handfuls and washed her face.</p><p>She picked up her hand towel and patted her face dry, she discarded it to her left and took a long hard look at her reflection in the mirror. Although she'd had some extremely restful sleep, all things considered, there were still dark circles underneath her eyes, the result of many years of interrupted sleep and nightmares, she hoped that one day they would go away but she wasn't holding out much hope.</p><p>She continued staring at herself, on one hand she knew her reflection only too well. On the other hand she barely recognised the woman standing before her, who was she? There wasn't a shred of emotion anywhere to be found, she was hollow and empty, worthless and unloved. She shook her head, trying to clear her head of these thoughts and picked up her toothbrush. When she was done she packed her things away in her wash bag, she took a look at her left hand which she'd injured the night before; it had already started to heal nicely, the skin knitting together attempting to close. She flexed her hand and let out a small cry as pain shot through her fingers, the wound was still tender.</p><p>Feeling that she could put it off no longer, she returned to her dorm room; she threw her wash bag onto her desk and looked over at Henry, who was still sitting on the bed but was now fully dressed, he appeared to have been waiting for her.</p><p>"Thanks for letting me use the phone." Henry said. "They're all good, angry with me but whatever."</p><p>"You're welcome." Elizabeth replied quietly.</p><p>"So, do you want to talk about what happened?" Henry asked.</p><p>"Not really." Elizabeth said, closing her eyes and leaning her head back against the wall.</p><p>"It's alright to not be okay you know."</p><p>Elizabeth's eyes shot open and she scowled at him.</p><p>"You don't even know me, you have no idea what I've been through." She argued.</p><p>"Well then, tell me about it." Henry said.</p><p>"No." Elizabeth said with a fierce tone of finality, and closed her eyes again, she sighed as her stomach let out a low rumble, filling the silent room.</p><p>"Hungry?" Henry asked, smiling.</p><p>"No." Elizabeth lied.</p><p>"You're a bad liar." Henry teased and got up from the bed, he walked over to the kitchenette and started to search through the cupboards. "Let's see, instant noodles - nope too early for those. Ah, here we go, want some toast?" He asked, holding a loaf in his hands.</p><p>"Fine." Elizabeth muttered. He smiled as he placed two slices of bread into the toaster and pushed the lever down. He leaned back against the counter and stared at her.</p><p>"So why are you here alone over the holidays?" He asked.</p><p>"Why are you?" She deflected.</p><p>"Smooth." Henry commented, letting her know he'd realised she was avoiding his question. "A colossal fight with my dad, we rarely see eye to eye on anything. I just got so angry that i had to get out of there, I didn't have anywhere else to go so I came back to campus." He explained, and then gave a small laugh. "Mom was mad, she said I ruined Christmas for my brother and sisters, but I know deep down she was just happy to hear I was okay."</p><p>Elizabeth stared at him, taking in all of the new information; slightly taken aback that someone she barely knew was opening up to her in this way, it seemed kind of strange, or maybe it <em>was</em> normal, she wasn't sure. There was something about him that she couldn't put her finger on, he was different to all of the other boys she'd come across in her life so far, he was open and trusting, he was friendly and he'd saved her life, she felt she owed him something at least.</p><p>"Your turn." Henry chirped, folding his arms and staring at her.</p><p>"My brother is staying with a friend for the holidays. The rest of my family went on vacation." She barely recognised her own voice as she spoke.</p><p>Henry's eyes widened. "They went on vacation without you? Wow, you must have a worse relationship with your parents than I do."</p><p>He knew instantly that he'd made a mistake, that he'd said the wrong thing, he watched as her eyes kind of glazed over and she looked away from him and began to stare out of the window, she didn't respond.</p><p>"So your brother, how old is he?" Henry asked, hoping to defuse the tension.</p><p>"He's sixteen." Elizabeth said, her voice hollow still not looking at him.</p><p>"Ah, good age." Henry commented, clearly unsure as to how to keep the conversation going. Elizabeth's gaze still fell on the window. "Look, I'm sorry if I hit a nerve." He said.</p><p>"It's okay." Elizabeth replied. Henry moved across the room and sat on the bed opposite hers so she couldn't avoid his gaze.</p><p>"What happened to them?" He asked, Elizabeth's eyes darted and met his full of shock.</p><p>"Wh-what?" She asked.</p><p>"Your parents." Henry continued. "You can tell me."</p><p>Elizabeth shook her head as tears began to roll down her face, how was he able to read her as though she was an open book? She'd always thought that she had been good at keeping her emotions and feelings inside.</p><p>"Do you want me to hold you?" Henry asked, looking concerned, he felt that it had been a long time since this girl had ever felt comfort. Elizabeth choked back a sob as she tried to regain her composure and shook her head again. Henry nodded.</p><p>"Do you want me to stay with you?" He asked. After a few minutes of silence which was only broken by Elizabeth's light sobbing, she nodded.</p>
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<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter Five: Long Way To Happy</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>
  <strong>Chapter Five - Long Way To Happy</strong>
</p><p>"<em>It's gonna take a long time to love, It's gonna take a lot to hold on, it's gonna be a long way to happy - left in the pieces that you broke me into, torn about but now I've got to keep on rolling like a stone, 'cause it's gonna be a long, long way to happy"</em></p><hr/><p>Days passed, every moment spent in each other's company and for the first time in years, Elizabeth began to feel the odd sensation of happiness. It had been so very long since she had been able to honestly say that she had a friend, amazed that Henry had managed to claw his way beneath her icy exterior and expose the raw emotion beneath.</p><p>Henry had to admit, this was definitely not how envisioned spending the Christmas break, but he was grateful that he wasn't spending it alone. There was something special about Elizabeth but he couldn't put his finger on exactly what. He was determined to get to know her, he wanted to learn every single thing about her. He was pleasantly surprised when she ever so slowly began to open up to him, telling him small bits and pieces about her life, what classes she was studying, her favourite foods.</p><p>It was the evening before the start of the next semester and they sat side by side on the floor of the bedroom making their way through a large cheeseburger pizza. Henry couldn't help but laugh when he realised just how much Elizabeth could eat - for such a tiny girl she put him to shame when it came to food. He'd let her know that she didn't have the best diet - not nearly enough fruit or vegetables, and that if she'd let him, he would like to cook a meal for her when classes started back up, an invitation which she humbly accepted. Henry was mid-slice when she said it.</p><p>"It wasn't the first time I attempted it you know." Elizabeth said. Henry swallowed his mouthful of food and turned to look at her.</p><p>"Yeah?" He asked.</p><p>"I tried to kill myself when I was fifteen." She explained, her eyes starting to glaze open as they often did when she was upset or emotional.</p><p>"Do you mind if I ask why? What drove you to it?" He asked. Elizabeth placed her slice of pizza back in the box and rubbed her hands together, heaving a deep sigh.</p><p>"When I was fifteen years old, my parents and brother went out one afternoon to get milkshakes, I stayed home because I needed to study. I didn't even realise how long they were gone until I looked out of the window and the sun had set." She began. Henry listened intently.</p><p>"Two police officers knocked on my door that night and I found out that they had been in a fatal car wreck, both my parents died at the scene, my brother was okay though."</p><p>Henry inhaled sharply, his eyes widening as she continued her story.</p><p>"I don't really remember much about that night, I went to pieces. I have all this guilt, why wasn't I with them? Could I have done anything? What if I had died instead? Like, all of these questions have flooded through my head for the past three years. It never stops. Sometimes I think I'd be better off dead."</p><p>Henry cautiously reached out and took her hand in his, relieved when she didn't try to pull away from him.</p><p>"You have to forgive yourself." He told her, stroking her hand softly with his thumb as Elizabeth started to cry silently.</p><p>"How can I ever forgive myself? The last thing I ever said to my mom was 'close the door' - I was mad about being interrupted during my study session. She died thinking I was angry with her." Elizabeth cried.</p><p>"I'm sure your parents knew that you loved them." Henry assured her.</p><p>"Well, I guess we'll never know." Elizabeth choked, wiping away tears with her free hand.</p><p>"I can't even imagine how hard it was, how hard it is." Henry began. "To lose your childhood overnight like that. Have you ever talked to anybody about it?" He asked.</p><p>Elizabeth shook her head.</p><p>"I always tried to conceal my emotions, I had to be strong, you know? For my brother." She explained.</p><p>"Alright, don't shoot me here, but can I make a suggestion?" Henry asked.</p><p>"What?" Elizabeth asked.</p><p>"Have you ever considered therapy?"</p><p>Elizabeth paused and looked unsure, shaking her head slowly.</p><p>"No. I never - I always thought if I ever told a professional how I've now tried to kill myself twice, they'd have me sectioned or something." Elizabeth explained.</p><p>"Look, I don't know a lot about it, but I do know that therapists have to keep the details of their clients sessions confidential unless they believe you are a risk to yourself or others." Henry said, Elizabeth looked down at the carpet, avoiding his glance.</p><p>"Are you a risk to yourself?" He asked.</p><p>"I don't know." Elizabeth said. "I guess things have been better, since - well since that night."</p><p>"Well that's positive." Henry said. "You could also think about going to see a doctor, they could maybe give you something."</p><p>Elizabeth looked up at him, a grimace on her face.</p><p>"Pills?" She asked, shaking her head. "I'm not sure, I mean, I've read so many bad things about pills."</p><p>"Isn't it worth a try?" Henry asked.</p><p>"I don't know." She said.</p><p>"Look, classes start up again tomorrow." Henry began. "I'm not going to be able to be with you all the time like these past few days. Will you promise me that you will at least go talk to a doctor or a therapist? You don't have to do anything you don't want to, you can refuse medication, but please, will you go? It'd help me sleep better at night."</p><p>Elizabeth sighed, defeated.</p><p>"Alright, if it means that much to you, I'll do it." She mumbled.</p><p>"Thank you." He said, breathing a sigh of relief. "I'll be around for you as much as I can. We could study together if you'd like." He suggested.</p><p>"That'd be nice." Elizabeth said, the smallest of smiles creeping onto her face. "I'm so behind already and I need to get on top of things if I have any hope of passing this semester." She admitted.</p><p>They both stared at each other in silence; it had only been a few days but Elizabeth felt a connection, a small bond forming between them. They broke their gaze as the sound of a key in the bedroom door turned and started to open. A young girl walked into the room, wheeling her suitcase behind her - she was the same height and build as Elizabeth, but she had curly brown hair.</p><p>"Becky, you're back." Elizabeth said.</p><p>"Happy new year!" Becky replied happily, throwing her suitcase onto her bed.</p><p>"Happy new year." Elizabeth and Henry replied in unison.</p><p>"So, who's this?" Becky asked, staring at Henry.</p><p>"Uh, yeah sorry. Becky this is Henry, Henry this is Becky." She said, introducing them. Becky walked over and shook Henry's hand.</p><p>"I've not seen you around." She commented.</p><p>"Yeah, my dorm is a bit further out, I'm in Stevenson." Henry said, shaking her hand lightly. "I met Elizabeth over the holidays." He explained.</p><p>"Oh, you stayed here over the holidays too?" She asked. "Well, I guess it's nice you two could hang out together, it would have been dreadfully lonely otherwise."</p><p>"Absolutely." Henry replied with a smile. He stood up and helped Elizabeth stand up beside him. "Well I guess I should let you two girls catch up." He said, turning to look at Elizabeth. "If you need anything - anything at all, just call, alright? Doesn't matter what time."</p><p>He slipped a small piece of paper into her right hand with his number scribbled on it. She took it gratefully.</p><p>"Thank you." She said.</p><p>Henry turned around and smiled at Becky, and then made his way to the doorway.</p><p>"Nice to meet you, Becky. See you guys around." He said, and left the room.</p><p>Becky looked at the door and then over at Elizabeth, who was clutching the scrap of paper delicately in her hands.</p><p>"Wow." Becky said. "He's hot."</p><p>For the first time in years, Elizabeth laughed - and collapsed onto her bed into a heap.</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>A/N - Based on 'Long Way To Happy' By P!nk</strong>
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<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter Six: Among The Living</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>A/N - The questionnaire featured in this chapter is from an NHS website, I realise it may not be completely accurate considering this story is set in America in 1986 - so please forgive any inaccuracies! Thanks for reading.</strong>
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  <strong>Chapter Six - Among The Living</strong>
</p><p>"<em>Among the living you'll find the dying waiting softly to pass on. Why can't a love be like a spirit as it floats up to the sky?"</em></p><hr/><p>Elizabeth was struggling to comprehend the predicament in which she'd found herself on this rainy January afternoon. She shifted awkwardly in her seat, a sense of impending doom washing over her as she absentmindedly began picking at the skin on her fingernails.</p><p>"You okay?" His voice penetrated her thoughts. It seemed insane to ask him to tag along when she'd only known him for two weeks, but nevertheless he'd accepted. He was entirely too good for her and she was certain that she didn't deserve it although she was extremely grateful for his company.</p><p>"Nervous." Elizabeth breathed out in response.</p><p>"You're going to be fine, nothing is going to happen." Henry assured her.</p><p>Her stomach lay in knots as they waited for what felt like hours to be called into the doctor's office at the campus general practise. In an attempt to take her mind off of things, Elizabeth busied herself reading every piece of information posted up on the walls; leaflets regarding general health issues, cancer, diabetes. When her name was eventually called by the receptionist, instead of relief her anxiety seemed to double in size, her breath caught in her throat as she stood from her seat, Henry beside her. He sensed the sudden flare in her anxiety and silently took her hand in his, slowly leading her towards the doctor's office; she allowed him to take the lead, somewhat grateful that she wasn't able to run and hide from this.</p><p>Henry knocked on the door and opened it when he was instructed to come in, he led Elizabeth to one of the empty chairs in the office and he sat in the one beside her. Elizabeth folded her arms and gathered all of her courage to keep her gaze trained upon the doctor, who sat at the desk opposite them.</p><p>"Elizabeth Adams, is it?" The doctor asked.</p><p>Elizabeth nodded in response.</p><p>"This is your first visit since you registered with the practise in August last year." The doctor noted. "What can I do for you?"</p><p>Elizabeth didn't respond for a while, struggling to find a way to put into words exactly what she was feeling, how was she meant to sum up three years of torment into one sentence? She took a deep breath and closed her eyes.</p><p>"I haven't - I haven't been feeling like myself." She explained.</p><p>"Would you be able to elaborate on that for me a little?" The doctor asked.</p><p>"I'm empty... numb. I feel like this all the time, it's so hard to cope." She continued.</p><p>Henry sat by her side, not looking at her bit staring down at his fists while he listened, he was so proud of her. He knew that she had been dreading this appointment, he didn't know for sure whether she was ready to allow herself to get help, but the fact that she'd humoured him and agreed to see a doctor was a hopeful sign that she might be open to it.</p><p>"I see." The doctor said. "And how long have you been feeling this way, exactly?"</p><p>"Three years." Elizabeth said.</p><p>"That's a long time, how come you're only just now seeking help?" He asked.</p><p>An awkward silence filled the room, why did it matter that she was only just now seeking help? Wasn't the fact that she was seeking help <em>now</em> enough?</p><p>"I wasn't ready." Elizabeth said, finally.</p><p>"Well I'm glad you've decided to come and see me. There's a couple of options and ways forward but first I need to assess how severe your depression is." He explained, he pulled a folder from one of the drawers in his desk and flicked through it, retrieving a piece of paper with text on both sides.</p><p>"It's just a series of questions to assess how severe everything is, I'll ask you them and you can answer with one of the following four responses: <strong>Not at all, several days, more than half the days </strong>and <strong>nearly every day."</strong></p><p>Elizabeth nodded, indicating she understood what he was saying, and he proceeded with the questionnaire.</p><p>"Over the past two weeks how often have you been bothered by feeling down, depressed or hopeless?"</p><p>"Nearly every day." Elizabeth replied, without even the need to think about it.</p><p>"How often have you been bothered by feeling bad about yourself, or that you are a failure, or have let yourself or your family down?" He asked.</p><p>Elizabeth sighed and lowered her gaze, staring at her hands as she answered.</p><p>"Nearly every day." She said.</p><p>"How often have you been bothered by feeling afraid as if something awful might happen?"</p><p>One again she gave her answer. Henry was astounded as the doctor continued to ask his questions and receive the same response time after time from Elizabeth. Fifteen questions later the doctor had finished, he placed the sheet of paper and his pen back down on the desk and looked at Elizabeth.</p><p>"I can see from your answers that you are definitely experiencing severe depression and anxiety." He stated.</p><p>Elizabeth nodded.</p><p>"Figures." She said.</p><p>"With your permission I'd like to try combination therapy - that is to say you would require therapy and a prescription for antidepressants." He explained.</p><p>Elizabeth sighed, she hadn't wanted to go down the medication route so soon.</p><p>"Alright." Elizabeth said.</p><p>The doctor picked up his prescription pad from the desk and began jotting details down on it, when he was finished, he handed it to her.</p><p>"I'm starting you off on 100 milligrams." He said, as she took the prescription slip from him. "If you feel after say, two to three weeks that it's not very effective then come back to see me and I can increase the dosage."</p><p>He then produced another sheet of paper from his folder and handed it to her.</p><p>"This is a list of names and phone numbers for local therapists in the area, I suggest you call one as soon as possible to get a session booked in. Also please be aware that the medication you're starting can have some negative side effects to begin with, please read through the documentation thoroughly before you start taking it, okay?" He asked.</p><p>"Yeah, thanks." Elizabeth said, standing up beside Henry.</p><p>"You look after yourself." The doctor said, smiling as he opened the office door for them. Henry and Elizabeth exited the room and walked out into the hallway. Elizabeth let out a huge sigh of relief.</p><p>"I'm so proud of you." Henry said, as he walked beside her on their way out of the building.</p><p>"That was one of the scariest things I've ever had to do." She admitted, spinning the prescription slip around in her hands.</p><p>"But you did it." Henry said reassuringly, holding open the main door for her as she walked out of the building in front of him.</p><p>"I guess so." Elizabeth said. "So what do we do now?" She asked.</p><p>"Well, I think we should go get that prescription of yours filled." Henry began. "And then, how would you feel about an early dinner?" He asked.</p><p>Elizabeth smiled, wondering how she'd been so lucky to have met such a supportive friend at random.</p><p>"I'd like that." She said.</p><p>"Burgers?" Henry suggested.</p><p>"Oh God, yes!" Elizabeth laughed.</p><p>They walked hand in hand down the main concourse of the campus, the trees either side rattling noisily in the wake of the wind. Henry glanced over at her, a smile evident on her beautiful face, it was an uncommon sight but when she smiled, it felt as though she lit up the world.</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>A/N - Based on 'Among The Living' by The Thorns</strong>
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<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter Seven: Little Talks</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>A/N - There may be a few cultural differences in house numberings in this chapter between how the US / UK works. Hope this doesn't break the immersion.</strong>
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  <strong>Chapter Seven - Little Talks</strong>
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  <em>You're gone, gone, gone away I watched you disappear, all that's left is a ghost of you. </em>
  <em>Now we're torn, torn, torn apart, there's nothing we can do just let me go; we'll meet again soon. Now wait, wait, wait for me please hang around- I'll see you when I fall asleep"</em>
</p><hr/><p>Elizabeth sat behind the wheel of her parked car thinking about what was shortly to come. She'd arrived at the home of her therapist twenty minutes early, parked up and sat waiting until it was time to go and knock. By the time she opened the car door and slowly stepped out, the sun was already beginning to set and the sky blossomed a beautiful peach colour. Elizabeth checked her watch, it was only four in the afternoon - it was for this reason she despised winter. She felt robbed of daylight when the sun rose so late and set so early.</p><p>She carefully crossed the street, making her way through crowds of parents waiting to pick up their children from the school situated opposite her new therapists house, finding parking had been tricky and she'd received a lot of angry stares from parents who had clearly wanted her parking space. Once on the other side of the street she glanced at the row of houses, trying to determine which was the correct one, her eyes scanned over the doorways as she counted in her mind <em>27, 25, 23, 21….19. </em>She stood outside of the driveway to number 19 and started at the house, it was fairly small, a modest front yard that had seen better days, yet Elizabeth thought this was possibly due to the fact it was still Winter. A gold convertible was parked up on the gravel driveway, she walked past it slowly on her approach to the front door.</p><p>She paused in front of the white wood front door, really not wanting to ring the doorbell, it was taking every ounce of inner strength she had not to turn and run far, far away but she knew she owed it to herself to attempt to get better, she owed it to her brother, she owed it to her parents - she even owed it to Henry, who'd been nothing but her rock since that night on the rooftop. She took a deep breath and rang the bell with her left index finger, she retreated her hand and waited.</p><p>A few seconds later a figure appeared in the hallway, though blurred through the frosted glass. It approached the door and pulled it open from the other side. Elizabeth slowly exhaled as her eyes fell upon the woman standing before her in the hallway of the house. She was a short old lady with a kind face, her long white hair tied up in a bun on top of her head, the woman smiled at Elizabeth and she feigned a small smile in return.</p><p>"Elizabeth, am I right?" The woman asked.</p><p>"Yeah, that's me." Elizabeth replied. The old woman smiled and held out her hand to shake Elizabeth's.</p><p>"I'm Pauline, it's very nice to meet you, please do come in, we'll be having the session in the first room on your right." She explained, allowing Elizabeth to enter the house. Following the instructions she'd been given, Elizabeth walked down the hallway and into the first room on her right, which turned out to be a sitting room. Bright and spacious, it hosted two cream coloured two seater sofas, one sitting in the bay window and one along the wall. Between the two sofas lay a small oak coffee table with nothing but a plain box of tissues sitting on top of it.</p><p>"You can take a seat on that sofa in the window just there." Pauline said, pointing in the direction of the bay window. Elizabeth nodded and walked to the other side of the room and sat on the left side of the sofa, placing her bag on the floor. Pauline took a seat on the opposite sofa, picking up a red folder that was sat on the side table.</p><p>"Now before we get started, I have a few things we need to go through." Pauline said, flicking through the pages of her folder.</p><p>"Aha." She said when she located the right packet and pulled out a sheet of paper which she passed over to Elizabeth.</p><p>She looked down at the sheet of paper and observed all of the information written upon it, Pauline's name, contact number, and a bunch of long and boring terms and conditions. Elizabeth looked up from the sheet of paper and looked at her therapist.</p><p>"So, firstly I'd like to recommend weekly therapy sessions, a lot of people aren't keen on the idea because of the cost, but I really do believe the best results come from having weekly sessions." She began, Elizabeth didn't respond but remained quiet, allowing her to continue.</p><p>"Everything we talk about inside of this room is strictly confidential, however if I have reason to believe that you are a danger to yourself or somebody else, I am legally obligated to act and inform any necessary parties such as your doctor."</p><p>Elizabeth nodded.</p><p>"Alright, makes sense." Elizabeth said.</p><p>"Lastly, if you need to cancel a session you can do at any point up to twenty four hours before the session is due to take place, any later and I'm afraid I'll have to charge you as though the session is still on. If you find out you can't make it one week, please just give me a call and I can reschedule with you to a later date." Pauline said.</p><p>"Fair." Elizabeth said, twiddling her thumbs as her hands lay rested on her lap.</p><p>"Okay, well then - let's begin." She said. "I plan to work with you on something called cognitive behavioural therapy, do you know what that is?" She asked.</p><p>Elizabeth shook her head.</p><p>"Cognitive behavioural therapy is based on the concept that your thoughts, feelings, physical sensations and actions are interconnected, and that negative thoughts and feelings can trap you in a vicious cycle. This kind of therapy aims to help you deal with overwhelming problems in a more positive way by breaking them down into smaller parts. You're shown how to change these negative patterns to improve the way you feel." Pauline explained.</p><p>"You with me so far?" She asked.</p><p>"I think so." Elizabeth said.</p><p>"Excellent." Pauline said. "It's been proven to be quite effective, it was developed in the 1960's. So now, can you tell me a bit about yourself?"</p><p>"Um, okay." Elizabeth said, clearing her throat. "I'm Elizabeth, I'm uh, eighteen. I'm in my first year at UVA, I live on campus."</p><p>"What are you studying?" Pauline asked.</p><p>"I'm a math major." Elizabeth said.</p><p>"That must be challenging." She commented.</p><p>"It can be." Elizabeth said. "Sometimes I feel like I'm barely able to keep my head above water." She admitted, Pauline nodded, taking all of the information in.</p><p>"And how do you think you've handled living away from home, is this your first time living independently away from your family?" She asked.</p><p>Elizabeth shook her head.</p><p>"I spent a few years at a boarding school before coming to UVA, to be honest living in the dorm is quite similar." She explained.</p><p>"I see." Pauline said. "And do you see your family very often?"</p><p>"No, I barely see them; my little brother is away at boarding school during the semester and over Christmas he stayed with a friend and my other family were on vacation, so I stayed at school."</p><p>"Other family?" Pauline asked.</p><p>"My aunt and uncle." Elizabeth stated. "They've been our guardians, mine and Will's since -" Elizabeth stopped mid sentence, unable to finish. She had always known talking about this to a stranger was going to be hard, but she didn't realise it was going to be <em>this</em> hard.</p><p>"Since?"</p><p>"Since the accident." Elizabeth finally managed to blurt out, avoiding Pauline's gaze.</p><p>"I see." Pauline said. "Do you feel ready to tell me about it?"</p><p>Elizabeth closed her eyes and thought deeply. This surely was for her own good, she needed to let somebody else in, she obviously wasn't able to cope with things by herself anymore. If she'd just let Pauline in, maybe she could help. Her mind flashed back to the last time she had seen her parents alive - The way they had been standing in the doorway to her bedroom, smiling and trying to convince her to come out with them to get milkshakes, the image of them burned into her memory, not realising at the time that this would be the last time she would ever see them. She sighed deeply <em>I'm sorry, I love you </em>she said in her mind, hoping that somehow, they could hear her,</p><p>After what seemed like hours, she broke the silence.</p><p>"Okay, I'm ready." She whispered.</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>A/N Based on 'Little Talks' by Of Monsters &amp; Men</strong>
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<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter Eight: Tell Me Your Secrets</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>
  <strong>Chapter Eight - Tell Me Your Secrets</strong>
</p><p>"<em>Tell me your secrets, tell me your storm; what is your great love? Where was it born? In your graces I found mine, in your stories I have time to climb up the ladder to your bed, </em><em>hold on to every word you say."</em></p><hr/><p>Later that evening Elizabeth was back in her dorm relaxing. Therapy had been emotionally exhausting and her head was hurting ever so slightly, it was taking all of the willpower she possessed to not pass out on her bed the moment she had walked through the door. Although exhausted, Elizabeth had to admit that she felt significantly emotionally lighter after the therapy session - revealing her past to Pauline had shifted the burden from weighing down upon her shoulders like it had done for the three long years since the accident.</p><p>A quiet, polite knock sounded on the bedroom door, slowly Elizabeth rose from her bed to answer it. Her room mate had shown no intentions of moving, her head buried deep within a textbook and studying.</p><p>She opened the door to reveal a very red faced and sweaty Henry McCord, his light grey t-shirt stained dark grey by the perspiration. In his hands he held two steaming takeaway cups of coffee, coyly he smiled at her.</p><p>"Want to walk with me?" He asked.</p><p>"You haven't exercised enough today?" She replied, smiling and taking one of the coffee cups from him. He laughed dryly.</p><p>"I can always make time for you." He said.</p><p>She stepped out into the hallway and closed the bedroom door and slowly followed him down the stairwell and out into the street. She shifted into position at his right hand side and they slowly made their way towards central campus. At first silence had fallen over them as they sipped their coffee, when eventually Henry broke it.</p><p>"So, how did it go?" He asked, addressing the elephant in the room.</p><p>Elizabeth didn't immediately respond, but took another slow sip of coffee.</p><p>"It was okay." She eventually said.</p><p>"Your therapist is nice, yeah?" Henry asked.</p><p>"She's good." Elizabeth replied.</p><p>"I guess you're not ready to talk about it, that's fine." Henry said, pausing to take another sip of coffee.</p><p>"No, it's not that." Elizabeth began. "It was just so emotionally exhausting, you know - opening up like that to a stranger. Reliving everything."</p><p>"I understand." Henry said as they made their way out of central campus and onto the stony pathways of Northern campus.</p><p>"I mean, besides you, I've never talked to anybody about what happened." Elizabeth said.</p><p>"I feel honoured." He joked. "So how do you feel now that you've had your first session?" He asked.</p><p>"Weirdly elated." Elizabeth said. "Kind of like a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I know I have a long way to go, but to feel like this for the first time in three years, it's kind of mind blowing."</p><p>Henry smiled, his heart aching for the fact that this was the first time she'd felt peace since her parents death.</p><p>"I'm really glad you feel like that." He said, she laughed in response.</p><p>"I forgot what it felt like to feel like this." She admitted.</p><p>They stopped by a trash can to discard their empty coffee cups, then continued their walk.</p><p>"How are you feeling now with the medication?" He asked.</p><p>Elizabeth didn't reply, instead her head shifted down towards the ground, her eyes examining the stony path they were walking. Henry looked at her, confused.</p><p>"Elizabeth?" He asked, she still didn't reply nor look at him. "You are taking them, right?"</p><p>He noticed her slowly close her eyes, deeply inhaling as she shook her head.</p><p>"You're not taking them?!" He exclaimed.</p><p>"Henry, I don't know what they'll do to me." She cried. "I'm sorry." She had started to cry.</p><p>Henry stopped walking and turned to face her.</p><p>"Look, don't apologise. It's your decision whether you take them or not, but please keep in mind that they might help you." He said.</p><p>"I'm scared." She admitted.</p><p>"I know, it's very scary." He said. "But I'm so proud of you, look how far you've come over the past couple of weeks. You should be proud of yourself, I'm proud of you."</p><p>"Thank you." Elizabeth said, looking to her left as Henry placed his hand on her left shoulder, noticing this, he immediately withdrew it.</p><p>"Sorry." He said, shoving his hand into his pocket.</p><p>"It's okay." Elizabeth said.</p><p>"Well, I guess I should walk you home, if you're okay with that?" He asked. Elizabeth nodded and they turned and began to walk back in the direction they had come from.</p><hr/><p>Twenty minutes later when she had been dropped off back at her dorm building by Henry, Elizabeth checked her watch, gasping at how late it already was, she flung open the doors to the building and ran up to her room, she needed to change and get to sleep before her early morning classes the next day. She was surprised at just how fast time passed when she was in Henry's presence, she barely noticed that any time had passed at all.</p><p>She quietly opened the door to her dorm room, the lights were off and Becky was already asleep, she silently groped around in the dark on her desk looking for her wash bag. She retrieved it and then tiptoed out of the room, closing the door softly behind her. She made her way into the communal bathroom opposite her room and went inside, taking refuge in front of one of the many sinks which lined the far wall.</p><p>She observed the reflection staring back at her in the bathroom mirror, instantly remembering the way she had looked only a few weeks ago. She actually had some colour in her cheeks now, she almost looked like a fully functional human being, a sight she wasn't used to seeing look back at her from the mirror. She quickly brushed her teeth and brushed her hair and packed her items back into the wash bag, pausing as she spotted the pill bottle looking up at her from the bottom of the bag. Sighing, she picked it up and held it in her hands, observing the label.</p><p>Her name was printed in black ink at the top of the label, along with the name of the medication and the dosage recommendation. She spun it around in her hands to read the label on the back of the bottle, and read through the potential side effects of the pills:</p><p>
  <em>- Feeling agitated, shaky or anxious</em>
</p><p>
  <em>- Feeling and being sick</em>
</p><p>
  <em>- Indigestion and stomach aches</em>
</p><p>
  <em>- Loss of appetite</em>
</p><p>
  <em>- Dizziness</em>
</p><p>
  <em>- Not sleeping well (insomnia), or feeling very sleepy</em>
</p><p>
  <em>- Headaches</em>
</p><p>
  <em>In rare cases, some people experience suicidal thoughts and a desire to self-harm when they first take antidepressants. Young people under 25 seem particularly at risk.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Contact your doctor, or go to hospital immediately, if you have thoughts of killing or harming yourself at any time while taking antidepressants.</em>
</p><p>Elizabeth stifled a laugh as she read through the warnings.</p><p>"Oh boy, this is going to be a ride." She said, pushing down on the bottle cap and twisting it to the left, the lid opened fairly easily and she shook one pill out onto the palm of her hand. She stared at it for a moment, noticing how tiny the damn thing was. She was terrified of a tiny little pill and what effect it would have on her.</p><p>"Well, here goes." She said, throwing the pill into her mouth and swallowing it in one swift motion. She returned the cap back to the bottle and placed it back in the wash bag. Gathering her belongings, she made her way back into her dorm room and collapsed onto her bed, falling asleep before her head hit the pillow.</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>A/N: Based on 'Tell Me Your Secrets' by Fire Mist</strong>
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<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter Nine: One More Light</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>A/N - </strong>
  <strong>Thanks to nonadhesiveness and the girls at TeaLeoniTribe for helping me remember some parts about the whole Pride and Prejudice ball that I had forgotten! Life savers!</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>WARNING - This chapter mentions hard subjects such as the side effects of antidepressants and suicide. If this is in any way triggering towards you, please do not read.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Chapter Nine - One More Light</strong>
</p><p>"<em>Should've stayed, were there signs, I ignored? Can I help you, not to hurt, anymore? We saw brilliance, when the world was asleep; there are things that we can have, but can't keep."</em></p><hr/><p>Every day crept by as slowly as the previous one, a dull buzzing filled Elizabeth's mind as each second ticked by at a snail's pace. She had been taking the medication for almost two weeks now. One tiny tablet each night before bed time - like clockwork. Initially she had noticed no difference; every night she took it and every night she felt the same as always - numb. She knew it was probably because the medication hadn't had enough time to get into her system yet, based on the documentation included with the prescription, it was unlikely for her to be seeing any positive side effects from the anti depressants until four to six weeks after starting to take them.</p><p>It had taken her a few days to realise that the side effects were beginning to present themselves. After the fifth night of lying in bed wide awake, staring at the ceiling she had concluded that she must be experiencing the so-called insomnia that the documentation had been talking about. It was exhausting. Most nights Elizabeth found herself finally nodding off around six in the morning when she had to wake up for classes by eight. Determined to not let it get the better of her, she grudgingly forced herself to get out of bed every day and launch herself into the day on only two hours sleep.</p><p>She felt removed from herself as she went about her life, as though she were watching the scene from afar and her body was not her own. She watched as her empty shell dragged itself between classes, sat in lecture theatres slowly scribbling notes although not particularly paying attention to what was going on around her. She wanted to scream, she wanted to shake herself and try and wake herself up from the silence that occupied her mind, but she was trapped, locked away in some dark solitary corner of herself.</p><hr/><p>"Penny for your thoughts?" The voice pulled her back into the present, she blinked wildly trying to moisten her dry eyes which had dried out as she had been vacantly staring at her lunch in front of her at a table in the far right corner of the cafeteria. She turned her head to the right and there he stood; Henry McCord stood by her side, a tray of food held in his muscular arms and he smiled at her.</p><p>"Is anybody sitting here?" He asked, indicating the seat opposite her at the table. Elizabeth shook her head and slowly pushed the chair out from the table with her right food to allow him to sit.</p><p>"Thanks." Henry said, placing his tray on the table and taking a seat opposite her. He picked up his fork and began to dig into his chicken salad as he stared at her longingly. She didn't say anything but merely stared back at him, at a loss for words.</p><p>"Are you not going to eat your lunch?" He asked, between mouthfuls of lettuce leaves and sliced vegetables. Elizabeth slowly began to shake her head.</p><p>"Not hungry." She mumbled.</p><p>Henry gazed at Elizabeth starting from the top of her head down to her chin, taking in all of her features, her golden locks were a mess, as though she hadn't had time to brush it, her face was pale and sunken with dark circles marking the areas beneath both eyes, she must not be sleeping, he concluded.</p><p>"How's everything going with, you know." He began. Elizabeth knew he'd meant the medication instantly, she shrugged and picked up her fork beginning to push the salad leaves around her bowl though with no intention of eating them.</p><p>"Fine, I guess." She replied, after a moment's silence.</p><p>"Have you had any side effects?" He asked, taking in a mouthful of salad, not taking his eyes off of her.</p><p>"A bit of insomnia." Elizabeth admitted truthfully, still playing with her food.</p><p>"You should go back and see your doctor about that, maybe they can do something." Henry said, breaking the small roll on his side plate in half and offering her some. Elizabeth shook her head and instead he shoved the half roll into his mouth.</p><p>"If it gets any worse or it carries on for much longer, I will. I promise." Elizabeth said. "The documentation said that they don't even start properly working until four to six weeks in."</p><p>"And you are now at two weeks, right?" He said, with a mouthful of bread dampening his voice.</p><p>"Gross, don't talk with your mouth open." Elizabeth joked, and for the first time during their meeting a smile spread across her face. Henry laughed and swallowed his bread.</p><p>"Ah, there she is." He said, motioning to her smile. Elizabeth dropped her head and continued pushing the food around her plate, hoping she was fooling him into thinking she was actually going to eat it.</p><p>"So, how about this evening, you and I - burgers and bowling. What do you think?" he proposed.</p><p>"Oh, uh." Elizabeth began, placing her fork down in the bowl. "Actually - I'm going to a Pride and Prejudice ball with Becky tonight." She said.</p><p>It was only a half lie - she thought. Becky had asked her to come to the Pride and Prejudice ball with her, but she had politely declined - opting to stay in for the evening to get some studying done. On the other hand, she felt terrible for not being truthful with Henry, he was a nice guy, he had been there for her, hadn't judged her even when she was at her darkest moments but she just couldn't fathom the idea of having company tonight.</p><p>"Oh, okay." Henry said, resuming eating his lunch. "Maybe some other night."</p><p>"Yeah, definitely." Elizabeth said.</p><hr/><p>Elizabeth's eyes burned with fatigue as she walked back into her dorm room after the long day of classes and collapsed in a heap onto her bed. What she wouldn't give to be able to catch up on her sleep. The room was empty but soon enough Becky walked into the bedroom fully suited up and ready for the ball.</p><p>"Are you going to get ready?" Becky asked, sitting opposite Elizabeth on her own bed.</p><p>Elizabeth sighed and sat up, leaning her back against the wall. Her eyes widened as she saw the outfit Becky was wearing. A short sleeved white embroidered dress, flowers stitched into the pattern it was stunning.</p><p>"Wow, Bec. You look amazing." She said.</p><p>Becky smiled across the room at her.</p><p>"Come on, when are you getting ready?" She asked.</p><p>"Uh… Bec - about that." Elizabeth began.</p><p>"No!" Becky almost shouted, flying up from the bed. "Elizabeth, you promised you'd come with me!" She cried.</p><p>"Becky, please - look I'm sorry - I just haven't been sleeping well lately and I have all of this reading due for one of my classes and -" Elizabeth began explaining herself, trying to make it sound as though she hadn't already planned what she was going to say.</p><p>"I can't believe you!" Becky said coldly, words dripping with anger.</p><p>"Becky I'm sor-" Elizabeth began, but Becky cut her off.</p><p>"Forget it. I'm done." She snapped, walking over to the bedroom door and slamming it behind her on the way out.</p><p>Elizabeth's mouth dropped open as she watched her roommate leave the room, her eyes snapping shut at the sound of the bedroom door slamming. For a few moments she sat in silence on her bed leaning her head back against the wall. She could feel her center bubbling up inside of her, a strange mix of anger, sadness, sorrow - all mixed into one, she felt as though she could barely contain it. Her eyes began to ache as they filled with tears and betraying her as they so often did, they began to flow freely down her face.</p><p>She wasn't sure where the anger was coming from, she had felt all kinds of different emotions in the years since her parents' passing - obviously she'd felt anger towards that; but to feel this angry over having upset her roommate? It was a strange and unwelcome feeling. Her anger very rarely turned inwards, after the accident she felt huge regrets for not having been in the car, for letting her parents die alone and being none the wiser, but she'd never been angry towards herself. Hell, she'd even been angry at her parents for going and dying and leaving her and Will all alone in this world.</p><p>She gasped as she struggled to push her feelings back down where they belonged, where she had kept them locked away for three long years. A dull ache spread over her chest as she got up from the bed and stumbled over to the kitchenette and turned on the cold water faucet. She filled a small glass with water and took a sip, willing herself to calm down. With her free hand she wiped the tears away from her cheeks.</p><p><em>Just breathe, </em>she thought.</p><p>She took a few more sips and then gulped down the rest in one swift motion. She banged the glass down on the counter and brought her hands to her head, fingers entwined in her hair, the anger boiling in her veins. She walked over to the bedroom door and turned the lock, making sure she wouldn't be disturbed and returned the kitchenette, wrenching open the cupboard. She grabbed the medicine basket from the top shelf and tipped its contents out onto the counter and examined it.</p><p>She had restocked the basket after having realised they had no bandaids after her little accident on Christmas Eve. The basket was now fully stocked, band aids, antiseptic spray, painkillers and all. She grabbed the box of pain killers and ripped it open. One by one she emptied each pill onto the counter. She counted each one out loud in an attempt to calm herself down, there were sixteen in total. She reached into her jacket pocket and pulled out the small pill bottle containing the rest of her antidepressant medication.</p><p>Quickly she removed the cap from the bottle and emptied the pills out onto the counter amongst the rest. She took the glass she'd just drank from and refilled it with cold water from the faucet and one by one, she began taking each pill that lay on the counter. With each pill she swallowed she could feel herself calming down more and more - her breathing returning slowly to normal. It was the most relaxed she had felt for weeks, she breathed a huge sigh of relief as she swallowed the last one, placing the glass gently down on the counter.</p><p>She returned to her bed on the right side of the room and sat once more, leaning her head against the wall. She closed her eyes and allowed the high feeling to envelope her completely.</p><p><em>I'll see you soon mom, dad,</em> she thought to herself.</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>A/N - Based on 'One More Light' by Linkin Park</strong>
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<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter Ten: How To Save A Life</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>
  <strong>Chapter 10 - How To Save A Life</strong>
</p><p>"<em>Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend somewhere along in the bitterness, and I would have stayed up with you all night had I known how to save a life."</em></p><hr/><p>Henry McCord felt ridiculous, there was no other word for it. The burning sensation of embarrassment radiated from his red cheeks as he walked towards the front doors of the student union building, a black top hat nested in the crook of his right arm, he hadn't been able to bring himself to wear it just yet.</p><p>He had struggled to admit to himself in the few hours after his lunch with Elizabeth and her turning him down for a date had hurt his ego a little, he'd gone home after classes feeling rather deflated, tail between his legs and sat around moping on his bed. After forty-five minutes of feeling sorry for himself, he'd made up his mind, he'd go to the damn ball, Elizabeth was worth it and he wasn't going to give up in pursuing her so easily.</p><p>Relieved for the first time that his roommate was a drama major, and could lend him a top hat, he dressed in the smartest clothes he owned, a white shirt and black suit pants. He left his dorm room with a spring in his step, eager to get to the party and find her. He decided to keep the top hat off during his walk to the student union, so as to avoid drawing unwanted attention to himself along the way. As he had approached the student union he noticed more and more people dressed in costume, and he began to feel a little more calm.</p><p>He joined the line to enter the ball and slowly shoved the top hat onto his head as the line moved slowly forward, snaking into the building. When he reached the auditorium where the ball was taking place, his mouth dropped at the sight. It was packed with so many people, all dressed in 18th century outfits, ball gowns and fancy suits, magnificent wigs; the whole works.</p><p>He made his way to the bar and ordered himself a soda, all the while keeping an eye out for Elizabeth amongst the crowd. He wondered what kind of outfit she would be wearing, momentarily conjuring an image in his head of her in some beautiful 18th century embroidered ball gown and having to stop himself getting too excited. When the bartender handed him his drink, he set off once more into the crowd in search of Elizabeth.</p><p>He smiled to himself as he pushed his way through the crowd, overhearing bits and pieces of everybody's conversations, discussions of Austen and Pride and Prejudice were the most common topics as he weaved his way around the room. He reached the far side of the auditorium when finally he spotted Becky standing in the corner chatting to a group of people who must have been her friends. He darted in her direction as fast as possible, making his way into the circle.</p><p>Becky, who was mid-conversation, paused and looked Henry in the eyes as he broke his way into the discussion circle, she looked him up and down from head to toe, her eyes pausing momentarily on his ridiculous top hat resting on top of his scruffy hair and smiled.</p><p>"Henry, hi." She said, sounding surprised. "I didn't think Jane Austen was really your kind of thing?"</p><p>He smiled back, and removed the top hat from his head, holding it under his right arm.</p><p>"It's not, really. I'm here to see Elizabeth, do you know where she is?" Henry asked.</p><p>Becky's eyes narrowed and she scowled.</p><p>"Dear Elizabeth isn't here." Becky began.</p><p>"What?" Henry asked. "But she turned down having dinner with me so she could come here with you."</p><p>Becky shrugged, twisting her fingers through her long curled wig.</p><p>"She said she's tired and she has to study apparently. If you ask me, I think she never intended to come in the first place."</p><p>"So, you're saying she's alone right now? In her dorm?" Henry asked.</p><p>Once again Becky shrugged.</p><p>"Don't know, don't care. I made my feelings very clear as I left this evening." She said, matter of factly.</p><p>Henry's breath caught in his throat and he brought his hand to his eyes. Of course Becky didn't know. Nobody knew except for him. Elizabeth was struggling, he knew it - he could see signs of it today at lunch, but he'd done nothing. Becky had clearly fought with Elizabeth about her reluctance to come to the ball, which it seemed Elizabeth had never intended to go to all along.</p><p>"I uh, I gotta go." Henry breathed. "Thanks." He said, and he turned away from Becky and made his way out of the auditorium as fast as he could. He threw his empty soda cup into the trash can outside of the student union building and sprinted to the nearest payphone. He dug around in his pants pocket for change and slid a quarter into the slot and aggressively punched in Elizabeth's phone number.</p><p>"Come on, pick up." He begged as he listened to the phone ring repeatedly.</p><p>After what seemed like thirty rings, he slammed the phone down onto the receiver and set off at a sprint to Elizabeth's dorm building. His lungs burned as he tried to pick up the pace, he needed to see her <em>now, </em>he needed to make sure she was alright, if she was upset then he needed to hold her. Figures blurred in his vision as he ran past crowds of people making their way towards the student union building, barely taking any notice of them as he pushed himself to get there as fast as he could.</p><p>Finally he reached her building, aggressively he threw open the lobby doors and dove into the stairwell, taking two, sometimes three steps at a time as he hurled himself up the stairs to the second floor. He ran down the corridor and skidded to a halt in front of her bedroom door. He brought his fist up to the door and banged heavily on it.</p><p>"Elizabeth?" He called, out of breath. "Elizabeth are you in there? Open up, it's me, Henry."</p><p>He continued the bang on the door, making as much noise as possible, if she had passed out, he wanted to try and wake her somehow.</p><p>He grabbed the door handle and rattled it, trying to open it but of course, it was locked. He continued knocking on the door.</p><p>"Elizabeth?" He called again, still unanswered.</p><p>"I'm going to have to break the door down." Henry announced, knowing that if she was actually awake in there, that this would definitely make her show herself. When he received no response, he assumed the worst and he started to throw himself against the door with all of his strength. After seven attempts, the door frame split, and the door swung open and hit the wall on the other side of the hinge.</p><p>He stumbled into the room and his heart sank into his stomach as he took in the sight. She was laying face down on the floor, right next to her bed. He ran over to her and turned her over, placing two fingers on her neck trying to find a pulse. He let out a strangled sob as his fingers found it, it was shallow and weak - but it was there, she was still alive.</p><p>"Thank God." He breathed, wiping sweat from his brow with his left hand as he stared down at her limp form, if he didn't know any better, he would have thought she was simply just sleeping. He set to work putting her into the recovery position, he'd had no idea what she'd taken and he couldn't risk her vomiting or worse. He swiftly arranged her arms and legs in the correct position and rolled her onto her side.</p><p>He walked over to the phone sitting on the end of the kitchen counter and picked up the receiver and punched in 911, while waiting to be connected he noticed the empty packets of pills sitting on the counter near the sink and made a mental note of roughly how much she'd taken.</p><p>"911, what's your emergency?" The operator said.</p><p>"My friend has taken an overdose, I need an ambulance." Henry stated calmly.</p><p>"Is the patient conscious?" The operator asked.</p><p>"No." Henry said "And her pulse is very weak."</p><p>"Alright, I'm preparing a team to come out to you now - can you tell me your location?" She asked.</p><p>Henry gave her the address for the dorm building as he picked up the empty pill bottle which he recognised as having contained Elizabeth's antidepressant medication.</p><p>"Ok they are on their way." The operator said. "I need to ask you a few more questions while we wait for them to arrive."</p><p>"Okay." Henry said, placing the empty pill bottle down on the counter.</p><p>"Do you know what the patient took, and how much?"</p><p>"I see two empty trays of painkillers so maybe sixteen of those, and by the looks of it, the remainder of her prescription of antidepressants."</p><p>"Okay I've made a note of that on the file. Does the patients' skin feel hot or cold?" She asked.</p><p>"I'm not sure, hold on." Henry said, placing the phone down on the counter, he walked over to Elizabeth. He crouched down beside her and placed the back of his hand to her forehead, assessing her temperature. He stood and walked back to the phone and picked it up again.</p><p>"Very hot, I think she's burning up." Henry said.</p><p>"Okay, well I can see that the ambulance is almost with you, it shouldn't be more than a few minutes. I'll stay on the line with you until they arrive."</p><p>Ten minutes later a loud pronounced knock on the door made him tear his eyes from watching Elizabeth's unconscious form. He looked over to the doorway where two paramedics were entering the room.</p><p>"Hi." Henry said.</p><p>The two paramedics approached Elizabeth and both crouched down on either side of her, placing their bag of equipment down beside her on the floor.</p><p>"How long has she been like this?" One of the paramedics asked, pulling a small torch from the bag.</p><p>"I'm not sure, I found her like this maybe, twenty minutes ago?"</p><p>He watched as they gently opened her eyelids, shining the torch into both of her eyes, checking for dilation.</p><p>"What is her name?" They asked.</p><p>"Elizabeth." Henry responded. "Elizabeth Adams."</p><p>"You did a good job getting her into the recovery position." The paramedic said.</p><p>"Oh, thanks. I'm training to join the Marines so I know basic first aid." Henry explained.</p><p>The two paramedics looked at each other and one of them got up and left the room.</p><p>"My partner is just going to grab the stretcher from the ambulance, he'll be back in a minute and we can take Elizabeth here, in for treatment." He said.</p><p>"Is she going to be okay?" Henry asked, sounding almost childlike.</p><p>"Well, we can't say for sure, it depends how much she took and how long ago - but it sounds like you got here fast and you called it in as soon as possible. You may have just been able to save her life."</p><p>The other paramedic returned a few moments later with the stretcher and they both lifted Elizabeth onto it. While they were securing her Henry ran over to the phone where a small notepad and pen sat beside it and scrawled a quick message to Becky, briefly explaining what had happened. He followed the paramedics down to the ambulance and climbed into the back with Elizabeth.</p><p>He didn't take his eyes off her as the vehicle sped away from the dorm building, in the direction of the nearest hospital. All he could do was hope and pray that he'd got there in time and that he'd been able to save her life.</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>A/N - Based on 'How To Save A Life' by Sam Wyatt</strong>
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<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter Eleven: I Need Some Sleep</h2></a>
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  <strong>Chapter 11 - I Need Some Sleep</strong>
</p><p>"<em>I need some sleep, time to put the old horse down, I'm in too deep and the wheels keep spinning round. Everyone says I'm getting down to low, everyone says you just gotta let it go. You just gotta let it go"</em></p><hr/><p>It was far too bright and cheerful in this tiny room, a small canvas decorated with sunflowers sat across from her on the wall almost mocking her. She huddled herself up and pulled her knees up to her chest, cradling them softly with her arms, but being careful not to disturb the cannula which had set up camp in her right forearm.</p><p>"Elizabeth."</p><p>The voice pulled her back into the present, her head jerked as she remembered she was not alone in this room. Her eyes met the eyes of the woman sitting opposite her in a chair. Her hands held a red clipboard that was ever so slightly resting on her lap, and the pen in her right hand was tapping the page clipped to the top. Elizabeth didn't respond, she merely averted her gaze to the clock in the corner of the room, it read 4:45 but she had no idea whether it was night or day, it was overwhelming.</p><p>"You realise we cannot discharge you until you talk to me, right?" The woman asked, continuously tapping her pen on the clipboard, Elizabeth wished she would stop - it was taking great patience not to get up from her chair, snatch the clipboard from the woman's hands and throw it at the wall.</p><p>Her memory of the past few hours, or days - she wasn't sure; was very hazy. The last thing she remembered was coming around with an uncomfortable sensation at the back of her nose and down her throat, if she'd had the energy she would have fallen into a major panic attack right then as she struggled to open her eyes under the bright fluorescent hospital lights on the ward. Her eyes took a moment to focus as she stared at her surroundings - being careful not to move her head too much, as this increased the pain at the back of her throat; she could see she was hooked up to several different machines. She lifted her right hand and noticed the o2 clip on her index finger. She raised her hands towards her face and could feel a plastic tube fixed there by surgical tape.</p><p>"Miss Adams." A young nurse approached her bedside, eyeing up the monitors of the machine to her right. "Welcome back."</p><p>"What happened?" Elizabeth asked, her voice coming out as more of a croak as her mouth was so dry. The nurse instinctively picked up the jug of water from the bedside tray and filled a small plastic glass and handed it to Elizabeth. She took a shallow sip, happy to quench her thirst.</p><p>"You've been very lucky." The nurse said. "You got here just in time. Any longer, well - we wouldn't be having this conversation. We were able to get a feeding tube and activated charcoal into you fast enough to counteract most of the medication you took." She explained.</p><p>Elizabeth nodded, taking all the information in. She wondered how she'd been found - it must have been Becky - God there was going to be hell to pay when she got home, she internally grimaced at the thought. She immediately stopped as this worsened the pain in her throat. This didn't go unnoticed by the nurse.</p><p>"I can take care of that for you." She said, she walked away for a few minutes and returned with supplies to help remove the tube. Elizabeth winced as the tube was removed from her throat and nose, but as quick as it hard started, it was over.</p><p>"Thanks." Elizabeth said, scrunching up her face a little, glad to be rid of the plastic intruder.</p><p>"You should know," The nurse began. "There's a man sitting in the waiting room, he came in with you - found you, he did. It's thanks to him you're still here."</p><p>Elizabeth's eyes widened, her cheeks blushed red.</p><p>"Henry?!" She exclaimed.</p><p>The nurse shrugged her shoulders as she emptied her used gloves into the trash can in the corner of the room.</p><p>"I didn't catch his name. Would you like me to send him in? We were not allowed to let him in while you were unconscious as he said he wasn't family."</p><p>"Please." Elizabeth said.</p><p>The nurse nodded and left the ward. Elizabeth began to panic - so it wasn't Beck who found her, it was Henry? She brought her head towards her hands and tried to gain control over her breathing - in and out. She was embarrassed, this was now the second time Henry had saved her just in the nick of time, and she felt immense guilt for the fact that she kept putting him through this.</p><p>She didn't know what she would be able to say to him, she wasn't sure how she felt.</p><hr/><p>"Elizabeth." The woman sitting opposite her said once more.</p><p>"I'm tired." Elizabeth had finally responded, her eyes looking down at the floor as she cuddled into herself even more.</p><p>"I understand." She said. "I am too, it is 4:45 in the morning after all, and we've now been sitting here for twenty minutes. Will you talk to me?"</p><p>"I don't know what there is to say." Elizabeth said.</p><p>"How are you feeling?" The woman asked.</p><p>"Like none of this is real." Elizabeth admitted honestly. "It feels like I'm dreaming, some horrible nightmare that I'll hopefully wake up from soon."</p><p>"Did you intend to attempt to take your life?" The woman asked, jotting down notes.</p><p>"I didn't have a plan, if that's what you're asking." Elizabeth said.</p><p>"But you had all of the things necessary to make your attempt at your dorm?" The woman followed up.</p><p>"It was just odd pills that we keep in the medicine cupboard."</p><p>"I see." The woman noted. "And do you feel as though you may be tempted to try it again?"</p><p>Elizabeth laughed.</p><p>"You want me to say no, don't you?" She asked.</p><p>The woman did not reply, and stared into Elizabeth's eyes. Elizabeth looked away, starting to run her hands up and down her legs that were folded up in front of her.</p><p>"I don't think I will try it again." She finally said. "God knows how much this is going to cost me." She added bitterly.</p><p>"You were found and brought in by a fellow student." The woman asked. "Is that correct?"</p><p>"Henry? Yeah, I guess so, I don't really remember, being unconscious and all."</p><p>"Is he a friend of yours?"</p><p>Elizabeth paused, biting her bottom lip.</p><p>"I don't know." She said.</p><p>"You don't know?"</p><p>"We've only known each other for a few weeks, but yes - I guess we're friends. I owe him my life." Elizabeth explained.</p><p>The woman finished writing and then placed the clipboard and the pen down onto the coffee table that sat between them.</p><p>"I'm going to give the go-ahead for you to be discharged." She began. "But, you need to see your primary care physician as soon as possible. They will probably either want to change your medication or increase it. I am also going to suggest that you see a therapist, at least on a weekly schedule."</p><p>"Way ahead of you." Elizabeth said.</p><p>"I'm going to go and speak with your doctor so we can get your discharge papers ready. You can feel free to go back to the ward if you wish."</p><p>'Thank you." Elizabeth said flatly and watched as she left the room. It seemed like years before she found the energy to make herself get up from the armchair. Her mind raced with so many different thoughts - everything she'd been through, everything she was going to have to deal with, thoughts of Henry - were they friends? She wasn't sure he'd want to even know her after what she'd put him through so far. She wouldn't be surprised, she drove everybody away.</p><p>She shuffled slowly back to her ward, her eyes set only on the row of beds that lined the wall, she wanted so badly to sleep - to just forget all of it. As she approached her bed she noticed Henry sat beside her empty bed, waiting for her, eyes closed and breathing shallow, he looked peaceful.</p><p><em>Oh God</em>. She thought. <em>Here we go</em>.</p><p>"Hi." She whispered.</p><p>Henry's eyes fluttered open instantly.</p><p>"Elizabeth." He said.</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>A/N - Based on 'I Need Some Sleep' by Eels</strong>
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